You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
