Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
