i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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