so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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