You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
