btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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