i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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