My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
