There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
