he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
