friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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