just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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