Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize