its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
