4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
