the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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