I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
