dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
