I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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