Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
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