He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
