Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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