So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
