saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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