you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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