what day is it and did you see me today?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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