She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize