I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
