like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
