Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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