Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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