I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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