Your dad touched me again.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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