Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
