One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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