the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
