You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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