your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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