u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
And my parents said I crawled through the house
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
