You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Holy sore nipples Batman
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize