Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
