I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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