Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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