At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
