please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
