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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
