just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
