Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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