i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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