i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
