So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Randomize
