Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
