I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize