Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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