I wannas sexs uuuuu
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Alive.
So much puke
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
im on a boat
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