I just made out with a guy for $7.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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