just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
