took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
