I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It's blow job season.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
