We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
