All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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