If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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