the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Small penises have feelings too.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Randomize