they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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