I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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