Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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