Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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