I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
