Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
