I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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